Sunday, July 26, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Misfortune
The lace in my underpants has just busted, and now I have to tie it together to keep them on. I am a professional, damnit. This recession is the pits.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
New perspective
1. If you make a big deal about positive behavior, people/pets/monkeys are more likely to perform positive behavior. If the only attention your person/pet/monkey receives is when they act poorly, they will continue to act poorly.
2. There is a difference between several jelly-beans and several abortions.
3. I miss this lady. I want her to come back to Georgia and ride roller coasters with me.
4. I'm never too old to enjoy a poop-joke.
5. I am, however, too old to enjoy a poop-joke at dinner.
6. Teenagers are incapable of really planning for the future, but they may be able to understand consequences. Too much concern about consequences can produce anxiety, too little concern can be seen as oppositional. Parents need to establish and consistently reinforce rules. If parents have control over their children, their children will learn to have control over themselves.
7. You will always recognize the sound of the ice-cream man.
8. No class of people is ever too good to sexually abuse children or animals. Humans are pretty gross.
9. Try not to let thinking like that make you hate the world; rather, let it help you really appreciate the kind, generous, thoughtful, creative, and wonderful people out there that really do exist.
10. If people just learned to really listen to each other, they would need a lot less counseling.
11. The truly dangerous are people who cannot empathize with others.
12. Anonymity and an audience will turn the nicest people into douchebags. Appreciate those that express opinions with grace and tact.
13. You are allowed to freak out/feel sorry for yourself for 30 minutes. After that, you must formulate a plan/be grateful you have a face.
2. There is a difference between several jelly-beans and several abortions.
3. I miss this lady. I want her to come back to Georgia and ride roller coasters with me.
4. I'm never too old to enjoy a poop-joke.
5. I am, however, too old to enjoy a poop-joke at dinner.
6. Teenagers are incapable of really planning for the future, but they may be able to understand consequences. Too much concern about consequences can produce anxiety, too little concern can be seen as oppositional. Parents need to establish and consistently reinforce rules. If parents have control over their children, their children will learn to have control over themselves.
7. You will always recognize the sound of the ice-cream man.
8. No class of people is ever too good to sexually abuse children or animals. Humans are pretty gross.
9. Try not to let thinking like that make you hate the world; rather, let it help you really appreciate the kind, generous, thoughtful, creative, and wonderful people out there that really do exist.
10. If people just learned to really listen to each other, they would need a lot less counseling.
11. The truly dangerous are people who cannot empathize with others.
12. Anonymity and an audience will turn the nicest people into douchebags. Appreciate those that express opinions with grace and tact.
13. You are allowed to freak out/feel sorry for yourself for 30 minutes. After that, you must formulate a plan/be grateful you have a face.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Breaking news
To quote an old friend of mine:
i cant even enjoy the shamwow commercial anymore. its tainted with prostitute blood and pieces of lip.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Wedding party outfits
These:
http://www.zubaz.com/index.htm
With these:
http://p4cmtshirts.bigcartel.com/
http://www.zubaz.com/index.htm
With these:
http://p4cmtshirts.bigcartel.com/
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Sensitivity
Me: I don't feel so great. I think I might be coming down with the same thing you had.
Josh: Well, I'll eat the rest of your cake for you. I'd do that for you.
(with mouth full of cake)
Josh: Bathroom's over there, in case you need it.
Josh: Well, I'll eat the rest of your cake for you. I'd do that for you.
(with mouth full of cake)
Josh: Bathroom's over there, in case you need it.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Creativity
I wonder if their performance of this was reflected in their seasonal bonuses. "Johnson, that was kick-ball change on the 8 beat! Get your head out of your ass and start behaving like a GOD-DAMN PROFESSIONAL! And one, two, three..."
Find the cheese ball in the can endorsement. I loved those.
Near the end, the leggy brunette totally goes in for a high five and gets DENIED!
I love clever people.
"Somebody say HO!"
Monday, January 26, 2009
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Parenting
I hope they at least sanitized their sex dolls before they photographed them with their daughter to put on Ebay. IT'S A SET!
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